he wants to bone in the snuggie
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
