It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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