It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
