I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
