every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
