You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
