Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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