did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
