i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My liver just broke up with me...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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