I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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