I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
