Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
