she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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