Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
