thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
