college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
