I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
