I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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