We're facebook friends in real life
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Congratulations! We have a period
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