using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
