I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
