Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
