Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
