Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
