You just made me feel so damn special
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
