So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
