The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
