i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
