is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
