just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
