Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
