I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
