Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
