Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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