So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
