He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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