are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
