She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
