girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
