oh god the rape fog is back!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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