Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Panties = found
Randomize
