So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
