The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
