I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
