Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
