I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
