Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
