if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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