so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
