the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
