i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
