I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
