he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
