You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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